Aidy Competition Cancelled
August 17, 2007 by VM
Dear Diary,
My little competition has, sadly, to be called off. Patsie has decided that there is not enough evidence to charge the young lady who preferred getting down to the beat to hearing the evidence that a man beat someone to death. This seems to be because it was all a mistake. Rather than go to the trouble of removing her headphones from her ears the young lady simply left them in place but unplugged the music player. As she was anxious to point out, she could not remove her headphones without taking off her headscarf. So, it was all perfectly all right and she could hear everything despite having two pieces of foam in her ears. As for constantly being late, well what of it?
The complaint was originally made because another juror could hear the music. Dear Diary, that must have been a mistake too. Ms Ruhela Kanom (for it is she) is upset that she was grassed up. She is quite right: how dare a juror take their oath to try the case according to the evidence so seriously? Anyone would think that The Almighty was in some way concerned. The audacity.
So it is that Patsie has decided that there is no reasonable prospect of conviction. Dear Diary: the other one has the band of the Grenadier Guards attached. 
This is a miserable piece of political decision making which betrays the rule of law. Whatever happened to letting a jury decide?
Still, it will perform one important service. Criminal hacks’ reliance on the old trick of saying to a jury, “You think you are sure but the person who really committed this offence will now walk into court. Those of you who looked are not really sure”, will now be replaced by, “You think you are sure, but if you were sure that the young lady juror was listening to music rather than being unable to take her earphones out of her ears without taking off her scarf, so left them in for convenience, then you are not sure to the requisite standard and that is what the Attorney-General says”. Perhaps it may be possible to have a model Kanom direction regarding the standard of proof.
Because I positively abhor disappointing my readership I shall replace my original competition with another. The prize will go to the first reader who can wrap a scarf tightly enough around their head to prevent a pair of in-ear headphones being taken out. Bah and humbug, dear Diary: bah and humbug.
What’s on Miss Kanom’s Ipod?
Mistress Ruthie, being a bit of an entrepreneur sees a market opening up for free music downloads being made available in the retiring room along with the coffee and chocolate biscuits. Ruthie suggests that rather than cancelling the competition we simply amend it: Ruthie is offering an evening out in the Temple for the best suggestions for what was on Miss Kanom’s Ipod with bonus points for the Ipod content of the Judge, Prosecution and Defence Counsel:
Here’s one to get you started
The following come to mind and are my own submissions. The evening in the Temple had better be with MysteryQC though as I’ve een out with Ruthie and it would definitely be the losers prize
‘Hangman Jury’: Aerosmith
‘May it please you M’Lud’ (Trial by Jury?): Gilbert & Sullivan
‘Jury duty is Fun’: Scott Wheatley (A much underrated pop classic IMHO)
I think the excuse she came up with is brilliant.
I can only imagine her lawyer thought this one up as I imagine she is some Muslim equivalent of a chav. Not that there is anything wrong with being a Muslim; but being a chav should entail the death penalty of course.
I have it on good authority that they were all listening to Public Enemy:
Miss Kanom -”I stand accused”
Defence counsel - “Fight the power”
Prosecution - “You’re gonna get yours”
Judge - “Give it up”
Been reading this blog for weeks now, and I still cant work out what on earth it is all about.
What is it all about?
It’s just plain wierd and confusing.
Dear Mr. Pinapples..
two things
firstly your mis-spelling of weird follows in a great and noble tradition. Geeklawyer continually mis-spelt the word and no doubt continues to do so now that I no longer lurk on his blog to correct him.
Secondly the fact that you persist in reading the blog suggests that whilst you find the contents unfathomable they are also strangely compelling. In this the blog can be compared to other great serials such as The Prisoner or The Avengers. Keep loggin on to discover whodun it, whether we finally escape, whether Mystery QC and Ruthie are in fact one and the same person, and whether Mystery QC will make a full and frank confession to a fetish for wearing womens clothes.