What Part of the Word ‘On’ Do You Not Understand (Update)?

Dear Diary

As exclusively predicted by Mistress Ruthie the Court of Appeal have given judgment in the case of Clive Wolman and he lost.

I must report, with sadness, that it was a bit of a stuffing. Clive, it will be remembered, argued that he was not parked ‘on’ the road because the centre stand of his motorbike elevated the wheels above road level. Not only did Moore-Bick LJ (such an astute man) describe this argument as ‘unreal’ (paragraph 14), but he pointed out that the error was apparent from the Particulars of Claim. In that, self-drafted document, Clive had pleaded that he daily parked his bike ‘on’ the pavement outside his home, and that on a particular day he parked his bike ‘on’ its stand ’on’ the east side of Chancery Lane. As the Court pointed out, these uses of, ‘on’ revealed the word’s natural meaning; that is to say ‘on’ the pavement even if neither wheel is in contact with the ground.

It is given to very few to go to the Court of Appeal with the fundamental error in their case clearly expressed in their own pleadings. Fewer yet fail to understand or appreciate the flaw thus revealed. Still, one must strive to be kind so I make the assumption that the pressures of Clive’s (doubtless) enormous practice, plus the need to spend hours wrestling with small girls means that this case did not receive the preparation that it merited. The alternative would be a conclusion that Mr Clive Wolman of Counsel is what Tucker would call “a total fookin’ prat”. That cannot be right: after all, the man is a barrister, even if only a minor junior.

So, it seems that Mistress Ruthie’s original question can be answered by saying that their Lordships told Clive to stick the £80 tickets … in an envelope with a cheque for approximately £8,000. Thus, two years of legal argument come to an end. Alas, neither the press reports nor the Judgment deal with the order for costs, but one assumes it followed the event. I am sure that the money was worth it: after all, how could anyone sleep knowing that the word ‘on’ remained undefined by the Court of Appeal?